The Reality! Living life!
"You Look wonderful", "Fantastic to see you looking well and coming in" these are the greetings I had when I went into the office to work yesterday. It was fantastic to make it in and feel a little bit normal. I love working in accounts and in particular payroll. It's nice variation in this kind of a role.
The reality of my job or making it to work for a day is very different. I went in for about 5 hours yesterday. My hubby got the kids out in the morning and I slept until 10am, I got up then and tidied up a little and then went into work. After work it was normal in that I collected the kids, took them to training and cooked the tea. Then it was into bed around 10pm. It is at this point the strain of my days work took it's toll.
From sitting at my desk my lower back was in a lot of pain and this also caused a nerve to trap and my hubby spent about 20mins trying to massage it out. On waking this morning which was 10.15 I was so exhausted that I wasn't able to get out of bed. I had sever pain in my hands, legs and feet. All caused from exhaustion. I eventually managed to pull myself out of bed at 1pm.
Thankfully one of my best friends Karen called today and sorted the laundry and lots of other bits in the house which ment that I could take it easy.
The ability to hold down a full time job while having metastatic BC would in my opinion be extremely difficult, although some people do. There's no way I could possibly work full-time. I am lucky that my job can be done during part-time hours. The point that I'm trying to make I suppose it that looks can be deceptive. I may look great but what wasn't known yesterday when I went to work was that I slept for nearly 19 hours Sunday and that most of today went recovering also. It's hard but I still love to go to work and meet everyone and feel a little normal.
The fatigue of metastatic cancer and the pain from that fatigue is something I can write about and try and explain but it is something nobody can understand until you go through it. I just hope that you never have to experience this though.
To sum up medically the bug like symptoms that I have been experiencing were caused by my pain meds so, I have been put on a pain patch to stop putting them through my stomach which has helped dramatically. I have had a lumbar puncture to test the spinal fluid for cancer and that came back clear. Yipee. I am feeling slightly better thanks to physio, a new pillow and my twice daily back massage supplied by my hubby the numbness has improved. Now lets focus on the fatigue but no doubt with the help of my pallitative care team I have no doubt that I will find a balance that works. Fingers crossed.